Tuesday, March 27, 2012

A heart to muscle conversation.

h- Hi!  I'm your heart.

m- And I'm a muscle.  Well, technically you are too...

h- Yes, but I'm a different kind of muscle.  You do stuff like bend an arm, or wiggle an ear.  I pump blood around the body.

m-  What most people dont' know is that I can actually help with that.  A LOT.  I ust have to be told to do it.  It's in my nature to follow orders.

h-  Where as I get'er done.  I'm a hard worker.  I start my job like, 2 weeks after a person is formed and I dont' take any breaks (usually) until my job is done.

h-  I'm cool with that.  Honestly.  i don't know what I'd do if I didn't work.  Not like this one over here...What pisses me off is that people are always trying to get me to work harder, get stronger and such.  Newsflash, dinguses, I'm already doing everything!  Get someone else to do it.

m-  Seriously, right?!  What pisses ME off is that no one will let me help!!  I just sit there, waiting for an order, and one never comes.

m- Then, if an order finally does come, usually it's been so long I don't have the strength to do it anymore.  Or it hurts.  Or I'm not long enough to reach where I need to reach.  After that, who knows when I'll be asked to do soemthing again.  I do a crappy job due to lack of practise, and I don't get any practise because I do a crappy job.  Doesn't seem fair, does it?

h-  No, my friend, it's not fair to you, and it's not fair to me.  See, if you were being used all the time, you'd just contract, vasodilate, and pull blood through you.

h- When you're NOT being used, and I know you can't help this, but when you're not being used you act like such a jerk!!  You tighten up, you get all short and you close up all your blood vessels.

h-  do you understand how hard I have to work to get blood flowing around when you aren't helping?  When you're actually working AGAINST me?  Then when there's a work out, you know, aerobics or whatever, everyone's all "Oh, Heart, it's for your own good.  You need to be stronger".

h- Uh, NO, I need help!!! Sweet Jesus, I work non-stop, and it's always more, more more,...blood pressure goes up, adn then it's like "oh, get MORE exercise."  And I'm all "LOOK!!  I'm just the heart!!  I can't fix the pressure that well!!  But there's over 600 other things that can...they're called MUSCLES!!  TRY USING THEM ONCE IN A WHILE!!

m-  yea, maybe you should calm down...you're looking a little stressed...
h- I AM stressed.  That's all "cardio exercise" is to me, stress.

m-  I know, I know, I'm sorry.  I'd help if I could.  You know how much I love a drop of blood flow.  It's what keeps me in such good shape.
h-  You and I are a dream team when we work together, aren't we.  You feel healthier, I'm not under so much strain all the time...
m- yup.  You push, I pull.  You get to decrease your workload, I get to not starve to death from lack of blood and wither away like an unwatered plant.

h- It would make me SO SAD if you withered away.  I'd break in half.  I'd miss you so much.  I really appreciate you, you know?  ALL of you.  Even you, muscle that lifts up the pinky toe...I love you...so....much.

m- alright, alright.  Don't get all sentimental on me...
h- can't help it.  It's in my nature.

( Frequent, all day movement and using all your muscles every day is required to have the happiest, healthiest heart.  Lots and lots of stretching and lots of walking with minimal sitting is better for your heart than exercising at the gym a few times a week after work.  The more you sit, the more your muscles atrophy and shorten, and the more they resist the blood flow, causing your heart undue stress.  )